Self-love. The kind that doesn’t depend on other people’s opinions.
Blaming himself for giving up on others too soon. He always lets his doubts get the best of him, picking apart people for their flaws and moving on before they ever have a chance at a deep, meaningful relationship.
Happy it hasn’t happened yet because when it does happen, he knows it will be because that’s the one. And he still has so much personal growth to accomplish before he can begin to love another person.
Anxiety fills him when he thinks about how he may never know what true love feels like. Scared to think that he’s the one doing something wrong, that he’ll never be enough for someone else. Terrified that he is unlovable.
He’s loved and he’s been loved, but Alan has never been in love. But a hopeless romantic at heart, he imagines what his life would be like if he had someone by his side to go through it with. Someone to share memories with and wake up to in the morning. But how could someone want him when he doesn’t even want himself right now.